The Art of Finding Something in Nothing

Some days are painful and some days are joyful.  But no matter the temperament, it is important to remember that each day is a gift.  To be alone can be painful. But in all pain, there is some gift, some opportunity, or some lesson to be learned, and potentially taught to others.  

The desire to want to be in the company of others is natural.  Our human circuitry is composed of a complex system of wiring connecting each of us to one another.  Yet ironically, fickle creatures that we are, we always seem to want what we don’t have, don’t we? So when our personal lives are brimming with lovers, friends, neighbors, colleagues, pets, family members, and children, we long for the days of solitude, precious “me-time.”  For when we are alone, we have a unique opportunity — an opportunity to learn, and an opportunity to connect to source. This could be the source of who we are, finding and fulfilling that which is our sole purpose in this life. This could be the ultimate “source,” that which you may call “God,” or “spirit,” or the universe.

To be alone is to be a slate mostly clean, a canvas ready for new perspectives.  There is enormous potential to learn and to share what you learn with others. It is a gift that is given to you and you can return the gift to those willing to receive it.  There is space for you to be of support and of service to more people than you would normally if you were not alone. But before that is even a consideration, the space is cleared for you to be of service to yourself much more than you would if you were not alone.  This is perhaps not requisite, but ideal before becoming a bastion for others who may call on you to help them bear the weight that they carry alone.

For those of you in my age range, to be alone now offers you a unique opportunity to sincerely get to know yourself again.  When you have the freedom to recline and take pause, you realize that somewhere along the way, as all the years accumulated, and all the earthly matters bore their weight upon you, you became estranged from yourself.  And for whatever reason, in the thick of these earthly matters, it is so easy to forget the good that you offer the world and to instead fixate on where you may fall short. To truly get to know yourself again, you are reminded of all the amazing qualities you possess.  What’s more, being alone allows you the opportunity and the energy to set and achieve goals which can better help you ascend to your higher self.

Somewhat ironically, being alone allows you a chance to meet many more people than you would normally if you were in tandem.  It allows you to experience more of what life can offer. But another one of life’s ironies is that sometimes, at this age, new and exciting experiences no longer seem new, and no longer exciting.  In part, this could be because if you have tried to lead a fulfilling life up to this point, you have perhaps experienced much of what life has to offer, and so you naturally wonder, “Now what? What’s left?”  It is the single experience that many of us will become acquainted with at some point — the existential crisis.

Or, I wonder, as I sit here musing and watching the chaotic energy of turbulent waters crash upon a shoreline, perhaps it is because some of the less pleasant life experiences hurled our way have eroded us into jaded beings who forget what it is to feel joy.  No new experience is novel. You no longer view the world through the untarnished lens of a child’s eye. Being alone, perhaps, allows you the space to muse on that, as I muse alone at the edge of a battered shoreline.

Careening through space untethered to anyone or anything can be frightening.  It can be a  challenge, and it can be a voyage.  But, life is a series of different challenges and voyages and we can either embrace and experience them wholly and fully or we can allow them to take hold of us and pummel us like unrelenting waves breaking on a exhausted shores.

 

Choppy waters on Lake Michigan before a thunderstorm, August 2018.

 

And as I watch the cycle of waves on loop I remember that being alone allows you the space to better take care of yourself, which is so important to remember, whether or not we are alone.  We have a tendency, alone or together, to dispose of our time in thoughtless and even pernicious ways. Discarding of our time becomes a habituation, an addiction, until it is a motor propelling us directionless through the world. None of us are immune to falling into this trap of existence. But it is when we are alone that we seem to discard of our time in such ways due to an apprehension fostered by this perceived abandonment. The same way there is a collective fear of death, we fear being alone, perhaps for the same reason we fear death — there is a void, and an overpowering solitude.  Fathomless uncertainty. The canvas is blank, save for a nebula of questions marks. So we try desperately and sometimes in misguided or self-destructive ways, intentionally or not, to fill our perceived void.  A void which, by the way, is still there when we think we are not alone, when we think it has been sufficiently filled by someone or something else. Ironically, it eventually will only deepen this chasm.  It’s when you actually venture into this chasm and explore what’s hidden in the darkness that you find pure light on the other side.  There is also something empowering about doing it all on your own, overcoming the fear associated with it, and not relying on anyone but yourself.   Taking life by the reins and riding it unabashedly.  To quote a friend of mine, “Sometimes it’s really nice to take full charge of your own life.”

Remember that no one is ever alone at any time, and that everyone is always alone, all the time.  There is solace to be found in this.  In the thickest of forests, individual trees stand on their own, separate yet together.  We as humans are the same. Yes, we are social creatures, and ultimately we seek to build relationships, partnerships, marriages, friendships, and families.  But if you find that you are not currently in one of those relationships or families, remember that never are you truly alone. And whether or not you believe in spirit guides, or a God that is always with you, or none of the above, remember that the universe will always be beside you.  That is indisputable, no matter your beliefs in what lies beyond this earthly dimension.

Some days are painful and some days are joyful.  But no matter the temperament, it is important to remember that each day is a gift.  We don’t know what tomorrow may bring, and tomorrow is not promised. If you and I are at the same stage in our lives, or if you are leaps and bounds ahead of me, we both know that time begins to race faster as it accumulates.  It has a funny way of doing that. A year is 365 days, but as we gain more years, they gain more momentum. The grains of sand run through the hourglass too quickly. Don’t dispose of what time you do have left.  It isn’t too late.  Experience things, and be grateful for all of your experiences. Even those which seem mundane or have lost their luster over time. Even those which may have caused you immeasurable pain. For within each of these experiences there lies a gift, and that gift can be shared with others.  And in sharing your gifts with others, you will undoubtedly never be alone.